Baby Talk
by Billie the fourth sage
Summary: Another experiment gone wrong & no parental experience in H.I.V.E. means 1 thing: --"If you don't wear your jammies, there'll be no cuddling tonight." Baby Max pouted & slipped on the periwinkle PJs as Cypher dried his hair with a fluffy towel. N/C fluff
1. You didn't

OH DEAR GOD.

OwO

* * *

_And Otto the kitty ruled the world, as Ducky took down the American government and navy fleet, after airforce 1 crashed into their main carrier. _

_

* * *

_

…

"Oh no."

"Pike, you didn't..."

"Oh no..."

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?"

"It was an accident! No one was supposed to—he just walked right into—oh hell."

* * *

H.I.V.E.'s faculty was gathered in the meeting room, most of them unaware of why the meeting was called in the first place.

Pike sat at the head of the meeting table, rubbing his forehead irritably. Beside him sat Ms. Leon, looking about as irked as a cat could look. Colonel Francisco sat at the next table, a visible vein pulsing on his brow.

Being the only three teachers who knew of the situation, their actions only confused the rest of the faculty even more.

"All right. Seeing as we're all here, I may as well start." Said Pike.

"You see... there was an... accident that occurred in the genetics laboratory."

"Again." Leon added. Pike gave her a scathing look before continuing. "It's a matter of great concern, you see, and—"

"To keep it short, the Professor here zapped H.I.V.E.'s own headmaster with another one of his experimental rays." Francisco cut in.

Another glare was given to the Colonel, but Pike looked much too flustered to pull it off properly. He turned to the rest of the staff and sighed.

"What happened to Dr. Nero?" Asked Tennenbaum.

"Don't tell me he got turned into a cat too." Gonzales commented.

"Well, no, not something so convenient." Ms. Leon responded.

There was silence as everyone waited for answers.

"Um... I'll go get him." The Colonel muttered. He left the room for a short while, at which point Pike decided to speak up again.

"All right, we called everyone here because we need to know who has parental experience." He said quickly.

Everyone stared. "Parental?"

"Well... experience... taking care of a baby?" Leon continued.

Chief Lewis, who was dutifully standing at the door, nearly dropped his sleeper. "Don't tell me you—"

"Here he is." Francisco called loudly, entering the room with something wrapped in a large cloth.

Being careful as he made his way to the table, the Colonel lay the little something on the table, revealing a small head of sparse black hair and large eyes looking brightly at the people standing all around, each wanting to get a closer look.

"Oh..."

"Dear..."

"Wow..."

"Ehem." Leon said. "Everyone... here's... Maximilian Nero."

It only ever really sunk in when the baby gurgled happily at the looks of utter shock on every face at the table.

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a/n:

OwO

This is what happens when Maqui's bedtime stories go over the edge.

Review please.


	2. He did

.... *cough*

Characters owned by Mark Walden.

* * *

_It only ever really sunk in when the baby gurgled happily at the looks of utter shock on every face at the table._

* * *

The lowest regions of H.I.V.E. were not as pleasant as the facilities above, reserved for students and staff. The tamed volcano, no matter how calmed, caused the heat to be nearly unbearable. Pike flapped his coat uncomfortably as guards led the way to the holding cells.

After three steel doors and a number of coolants spraying along with each check-up point, the professor, trailed by the Colonel and Ms. Leon, found themselves standing before a reinforced glass door separating them from the person sitting in his large cell.

A large cell, which was, at that moment, covered with designs of who-knows-what sketched on paper or carved directly into the walls, which were a layer of cement before the twelve inches of titanium.

Machinery of every kind was referenced and crafted in the papers, and Pike's eyes glanced at all that they could, wide as could be with awe.

Ms. Leon 'mrowed' as she moved closer to the glass, spotting the person on the far end of the room, posting another paper on a spare section of the wall.

"Ah... Cypher?"

The man turned, finally noticing them.

Even with the injuries of nearly a year prior lining his face with healing scars, the man was still handsome, and oddly familiar, now that they looked at him.

In truth, this was the first time any of them had come down to the lowest reaches of H.I.V.E. to see Cypher of all people. Until half a year ago, Pike didn't even know he was still alive, under Nero's protection, no less.

The other two only found out fifteen minutes ago, and weren't any more pleased about the situation than they were fifteen minutes prior.

"I didn't expect anyone... else... to come down here. What is it this time? Another giant plant rampaging the school?" Cypher said sarcastically, wiping his face on a towel.

"Not quite so life-threatening, but perhaps more... damaging. We need your help." Pike said seriously.

"Really now."

"I don't even know why we should even be talking to this psychopath." The Colonel said angrily from behind Pike.

"Because he's the only one in the immediate area that can help us with this situation, as sad as that is to say." Ms. Leon said.

"The only one with the experience." Pike added.

Cypher approached the glass. "All right, now you're beginning to pique my interest. What could it possibly be that has Nero sending you three to ask of me something that only I can do? From what I heard, H.I.V.E. has a number of perfectly intelligent and capable scientists."

"It's not science we need in this department." Said the Colonel begrudgingly. "It's what got us into trouble in the first place."

"I said I'll have it fixed as soon as possible!" Pike argued. "But in the meantime, we **need **him."

"For what?"

Cypher looked at them curiously as the Colonel removed something from a large, bag-like object on his back. Bundled up in pristine white cotton sheets...

"A... baby?" Cypher stared incredulously.

"Not just any baby." Ms. Leon sighed.

Pike turned back to the man behind the glass. "You've had experience taking care of a baby, am I correct?"

"... Yes, but..."

"So you can take care of one right now?"

"I suppose, but..."

"A male baby?"

"Yes. But what is that baby even—"

"Then that settles it." Pike said with finality.

"Wait, wait. What makes you think we can even trust him?" The Colonel demanded. "We have no choice, unless you know how to take care of a child. You don't exactly have the most appealing track record when it comes to children." Ms. Leon responded.

"And he does? He almost destroyed H.I.V.E. last year."

"He had his reasons; the headmaster cleared it up for me a while back. Believe me, we can trust him." Said Pike calmly.

Cypher waited patiently across the glass for them to conclude their argument before beginning again.

"What is this? How can NO ONE know how to care for a baby in this school, and why is there even a baby in the first place?"

"Well, someone did. But she.... died." Said Ms. Leon.

"Contessa. Ah. But what of the baby?"

"Well... you see..." Pike held the baby up to the glass. "Does he look familiar to you?"

Cypher examined the little face warily.

"What... did Nero and Raven finally have a love child?"

"Wha—No! This IS Nero, you fool!" Pike said, flustered.

Cypher's indifference seemed to crumble as he looked at the child again. With wide eyes and dropping jaw, he looked up at the three. "This.... BABY? What in the hell happened?"

"Another accident." Ms. Leon said pointedly, swishing her tail in Pike's direction.

"I can FIX IT. Won't take more than a week. But in the meantime, none of us have any experience taking care of an infant. Dr. Nero said we can trust you and now's a good time to test his theory."

Cypher frowned. "Keeping me trapped in here for almost a year and he says he TRUSTS me?"

Pike knit his brows together.

"Well, he trusts you enough to keep your son safe." He said carefully. It was a dangerous gamble, but it seemed to work. Pike knew at least one more thing, and knew that he had to use this information at some point.

Especially in such a dire situation.

Cypher was silent for a moment. Ms. Leon and the Colonel looked as though they wanted to know what Pike was talking about, but they, too, were silent.

"So to be clear, you need me to take care of the ba— take care of Nero while you try to return him to his original age—whatever it is?" Cypher said after about a minute.

"Yes."

"So what's in it for me?" The man asked, sitting on his cell bed.

The Colonel looked at Leon, then at Pike. Leon did the same to the men.

".... a certain amount of freedom. And access to equipment. Many of your designs can be put to good use." Pike said after a moment's thought.

The Colonel and Leon seemed to agree to this, though grudgingly.

"You cannot leave the facility, but perhaps you can go around H.I.V.E., with proper cover. We can have a synthetic mask fixed for you in a day. You can have access to the labs, although we'll still keep a close eye on you."

Cypher nodded slowly.

"You cannot allow anyone to know who you really are."

"... Can I see my son?" Asked Cypher.

"Who?" The Colonel couldn't help ask.

"Yes, you may see him. But as per the agreement, you cannot allow him to know who you are." Said Pike.

"Understandable. All right then. When do I start?" Cypher asked.

Pike signaled to the guards, and the glass door between them rose. Cypher was searched for a minute before Pike finally handed him the little body of the baby.

He seemed unsure for a moment, although Cypher held him as naturally as a father would.

They nodded in silent agreement.

….

"What is that smell?"

"... good luck with that."

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a/n: Just when it was getting serious, huh? xD

Review. That is all. :3


	3. BAD

Sorry for the long wait. Things have been.... well, not quite moving with HIVE, as it were.

But a devoted fan has been pestering me to continue this, so.....

* * *

Cypher didn't believe he was much of an expert, but he had, as little as it was, more experience than any of the staff in the entire school. He didn't know whether to be shocked that no one in H.I.V.E. had nurturing skills or to have expected it.

Children, sure. Teenagers, well enough.

But babies?

It was an enigma.

"There you go, clean as a whistle." He said, uprighting the wiggling baby.

Said child began distracting himself with the colorful toys that had been lined up on the table, brought by each and every staff member, inclusive of endearing pats and inane baby talk. Cypher could have thrown up.

"Nero, you'd better not—"

A crash sounded as a particularly fluffy projectile made contact with an expensive-looking glass figurine on the shelf to Cypher's left.

The man sighed heavily, fighting against the powerful urge to strangle the child. _Calm down, now... What do I remember about raising Wing? He usually wouldn't respond if we didn't call him by the name he was accustomed to... _

"Max." Cypher intoned.

The baby stopped, one arm raised with another toy set to fly.

"No." The man said firmly, taking the toy from the babe's hand. Max whined, trying to reach for the pink pony Cypher now held out of reach.

Baby Max glared as any baby glared, and threatened the baby way. Cypher knew what was coming.

"WAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

The baby wailed. Cypher clicked his tongue and picked the child up, raising him high at first then bouncing lightly, at first making Max slightly curious, calming his cries a little. He tried to reach for the pony, but Cypher kept it out of reach. Looking ready to cry again, Max's attention was suddenly shifted when Cypher brought him to the other side of the room, to where the broken glass decorated the carpet.

"You see that, little man? That is **bad." **Cypher said, emphasizing the last word harshly. Max shrunk at the word, at Cypher's dark look. "Now you won't do that again." He said, this time more gently as he slowly placed the pony within reach of the baby.

The child seemed to have calmed down a notch, taking the pony in hand. Though by some small retribution, Max seemed almost smug as it was Cypher who had to clean up the carpet.

Pike entered the room to find Cypher bent over to collect the last shards stuck to the cloth.

"Are you sure he's entirely unaware of what he's doing? Because it seems like he finds joy in bringing me grief." Said the younger, picking himself up with some sense of dignity.

"His brain waves are the same as a child his age, or at least, the age he is temporarily. We can safely say that the headmaster is as aware of this predicament as any one-year old would be." Pike informed.

"Any evil temporarily age-reduced one-year old." Cypher muttered.

"I brought something that might help lighten your spirits." Pike said, presenting a chrome-lined black box. Cypher opened it and took out what looked like a glob of flesh something-or-other, the consistency closely resembling play-dough.

"Flatten it slightly then press your face against it." Pike said. Cypher did, kneading the strange substance onto his face. There was some odd warmth generated from it, and the substance began moving, smoothing over his skin and settling safely over his features.

Pike handed him a mirror, and he marveled at the sight. His face was entirely remodeled, from Asian features to Caucasian. Aside from his eyes, no one could ever tell it was him. Pike handed him another set, and they molded over his hands.

"We had that created for some undercover work about a year or two ago. We never got the actual thing back, but this is a close copy. Just tell me if you begin experiencing some minor swelling or itchiness."

Cypher frowned at Pike, his second skin showing the disdain easily. "I'm joking. Well, partially." Pike rummaged through the small bag he brought.

"Here. Contact lenses, and a wig. We couldn't synthesize something to fit those, and this is a simpler solution." The professor said.

"So I've got freedom to walk H.I.V.E." Cypher clarified. "Yes, under strict watch." Pike said. "As long as no one recognizes you, it should all be fine."

Cypher looked at the mirror once more, then at the baby sitting on the bed. The babe looked at him once, wide eyes looking thoughtful, before holding his arms out and gurgling.

The man picked the child up. "Too smart for your own good." He said affectionately.

"Let's just hope people don't find it as easy to pick up on." Pike said. "So what alias should you take? Something generic, something vague and easily forgettable by anyone excluding ourselves. How does Howard sound?"

"Howard Carter has a ring to it. It's definitely not me. Workable." Cypher agreed.

"All right then. Good luck, Howard."

* * *

Whoever reads "The Woman Thing" will make the connection ;)

And who else finds it ironic that Cypher's teaching baby Nero not to be bad?

R&R


End file.
